On June 14th, I had the honor and privilege to speak at ARUP Laboratories here in Salt Lake City. I had just one hour to tell them as much as I could about Happiness. I have been teaching Happiness 101 for over a year. The semesters keep getting longer and longer because I keep learning and learning. There is now SO much good solid, scientifically-based information on the subject. I wish I could just download all the information right to the audience. I jammed in as much as I could in that hour. After a quick introduction, we did a Happiness exercise. Rapid fire I talked about complaints and automatic negative thoughts, gave them the definition of Happiness, including the differentiation between “Happy” and “Happier”. I gave them the science behind why we are not as happy as we think we should be and the myths of happiness. I pounded on the issue of CHOICE, asking the audience to chant “Choice. Choice. Choice.” for each time I said it and of the Happiness Robbers that take away our power of choice. Most importantly, I shared the Happiness Habits suggested by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness. I am “Happy” to report that we video taped the lecture and it is now available on YouTube. You will notice that the videos are interactive. You can jump easily from one video to another. I would suggest you start with “Are You Happy“. It is my goal to make other classes available soon. I want to give a special thank you to H.V. for inviting me to speak at her place of work. I also want to thank everyone who has been spreading the word about Happiness. I appreciate those who have been telling people they do not need to wait to be rich, famous or more beautiful – that they can be happier NOW.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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Suppose you just got the news. The doctor told you that you have 24 hours to live.
What would you do? How would you spend that last 24 hours? I bet you wouldn’t be fretting over the phone bill being a day late. My guess is you would not waste one minute on argument – not even for the principle of the matter.
Would you have any regrets?
If you had known that THIS was going to be your last day on earth, would you have lived your life differently?
Would you have looked deeply into the eyes of your loved ones when you said “I love you” for the last time or would have been the way you said it last time? When WAS the last time you told the people you love how much you actually care?

NOW, suppose in hour 23 (of your last 24), the doctor calls, apologizing profusely about mixing up the charts and announcing that you are not only NOT going to die today but by all accounts you are expected to live a long, healthy life.
Would your perspective change? Would you live your life from this day forward with a new appreciation?

It is honestly not realistic to live completely every day as if it were your last (Dan Gilbert explores this hypothesis at length in his book, Stumbling on Happiness). In fact, to do so would be to throw away one of humans most profound (and recent) gifts: the ability to plan into the future. According to Tal Ben-Shahar in his book, Happier, the way to true Happiness is to plan for the future and strive for our goals but to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

Would your life be different if you thought you were dying and got a second chance? I invite you to sit with this notion. Not just finish reading this and go back to your life. Rather than EXPERIENCING the heart attack, car wreck or other unforeseen disaster, why not get your new lease on life RIGHT NOW? Pretend! Live the next 24 hours as if they were your last (nothing illegal or anything that would hurt another person, please) and then live the rest of your life with a fresh perspective.
Ready? Your new life begins in three….. two…… WON!

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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Barbara Fredrickson‘s book is a must-read for anyone who is serious about being happier.
Dr. Fredrickson was studying positive emotions even before Positive Psychology was officially formed. In fact, it was her research that got Martin Seligman so excited that he was running up the stairs two at a time, singing her praises. Positivity is jam-packed with research backed studies that will bring hope to the hopeless and broaden and deepen the level of happiness of even the happiest of people – including me! The most important message of the book: there is a “tipping point” of positivity. Dr. Fredrickson likens this to the transformation that ice takes on when exposed to a certain temperature – when ice becomes water. Her research proves that human beings have such a point when we transform from languishing to flourishing. Teaming up with other researchers, Dr. Fredrickson reported the exact tipping point to be 2.9013 to 1. Rounding up, she suggests that people strive to experience 3 positive emotions to 1 negative one. She reports that the majority of people have a positivity ratio of 2 to 1 and are considered to be languishing. Those experiencing a ratio of 1 to 1 (or lower) are usually diagnosed with depression. What is your positivity ratio? You can find out right now. But before you click on, two things: She suggests testing yourself often to get a true measurement of your overall positivity, so if you score low, don’t sweat it – you might just be having a bad day. Also, I (the “Happy Therapist”) scored in the languishing range myself. But the great news is that Dr. Fredrickson not only tells you what your score is, more importantly she tells you specifically how to raise your positivity score, that you may flourish! You can take the a self-test at www.positivityratio.com .

What IS “Positivity” exactly? Well, Dr. Fredrickson uses the word in place of “happiness”, deeming the word “happiness” as to broad and vague. “Positivity”, however is way of life stemming from joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe and love. She offers a new toolkit and specific exercises in her book on how to cultivate more of these feelings. Dr. Fredrickson also has a section on decreasing negativity, including how to deal with negative people. I personally loved the concept of “social aikido” (page 175).

My only criticism of Positivity is that Dr. Fredrickson at times offers so much research to support her points that one could get mired down in the data. I urge you to not let this dissuade you. There is true gold in Positivity and urge not only buy it, but buy it in bulk. You’ll want to give a copy to all your friends (and maybe even a few “enemies”). I will be using Positivity extensively in the next semester of Happiness 101. Join us.

Frank Clayton (a.k.a. The Happy Therapist)
Licensed Professional Counselor

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By request, I have started posting my five positive things on Facebook again. It is a lot of fun sharing the positives. There is SO much for which to be grateful. An interesting phenomenon has occurred when I express gratitude for the things that do NOT happen. For instance, when I write “I am glad I did not get into a car accident today” I am frequently met with, “Did you have a near miss?” The answer is “no”. I did not have a near miss. Isn’t it an interesting reaction though? Must we have a near miss to appreciate what we have? Most of the time this is exactly what we (human beings) do. We take for granted the blessings all around us – not because we are an ungrateful by nature. It is due to a trick our brains play on us called Hedonic Adaptation (Sonja Lyubomirksky, The How of Happiness) also known as the Hedonic Treadmill (Barbara Fredrickson, Positivity). It’s just a fancy way of saying “We get used to it”. There is a remedy for Hedonic Adaptation: Gratitude. Just by taking a few minutes each day to stop and think about the many things we have to be grateful for can help us to appreciate them without the “benefit” of a near miss. Writing down five positives per day has proven (Martin Seligman, Emmons and McCoullough) to reverse the course of a downward spiral. If you are a bit rusty on counting your positives, I offer eight different ways to do so in the article Building Your Positive Muscles. There you will learn new ways to appreciate what you’ve got BEFORE it’s gone.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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How would you like to enjoy your food much more while consuming far fewer calories?

Now, before I go any further I must say that I am not a dietician. I don’t even play a dietician on TV. But I do know a thing or two about Happiness. I can tell you that most people eat their food mindlessly, not truly tasting their food. I can also tell you that studies have shown that your enjoyment between your first and second bite of food plummets significantly (Martin Seligman, Authentic Happiness). By the time you get to bites three and four, your mind is probably drifting to the day ahead or the day behind. So you are consuming a lot of food (and calories) with minimal pleasure. Why not try the Happiness Diet? I suppose we could also call it the Mindfulness Diet. Before you partake, look at your food. Notice the details, the contours, the difference from one side of the food to the other. If you won’t be breaking any major laws of protocol, touch your food. Close your eyes. “Listen” with your fingers. Once you have thoroughly examined your cuisine, take a bite of food and savor it. What is its texture on your tongue? Is your tongue having different experiences on the tip vs. the top vs. the sides? Though I am not a doctor either, it is widely known that different parts of the tongue experience food in different ways (see this article on Thinkquest on taste). Is there a smell that wafts from your food? Be sure to savor the aroma as well. You get the idea. There are five senses – use them. Experience the food. Simply by being mindful, you could experience more flavor in one bite than you could otherwise enjoy in an entire meal.

Savoring life experiences is just one of twelve Happiness Habits dished up by Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book, The How of Happiness. Buy it here and/or read my review here. Join us for Happiness 101 to learn how to enjoy life more with a fraction of the effort.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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Since I have been teaching Happiness 101 for over a year, I have come to be known as “The Happy Therapist”. But I have not always been a therapist and I have not always been happy.

One of the myths of Happiness is: You are either born with it, or your not. Most myths with great longevity have a kernel of truth – this myth is no exception. Studies have proven that approximately half of your Happiness is based on genetics (The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky). You might assume that because I am “The Happy Therapist” that my genetics predispose me to be Happy. Just the opposite. Looking to both my mother and my father and much of the extended family, I would definitely say that, from a biological standpoint, I lean heavily in the direction of UNhappiness. Yes, I have been on antidepressants. Yes, I know what it is like to be so down you don’t want to get out of bed or shave much less go to work. Yes, I have been there.

Life events is what most people hope will make them Happy. “If I get the promotion THEN I’ll be happy”, “When I get married THEN I’ll be happy”, “When I win the lottery, I’ll be happy.” Sadly this hope is misplaced.
Life events makes up only about 10% of our overall Happiness. This means it does have an effect, but not nearly as much as we think it will. So, you might think that I must have had a very rosy 10%. Yes and no. The first half of my life was fraught with a barrage of unhappy events, peppered occasionally with positive ones. The turning point was meeting an amazing and upbeat woman whom I now call my wife. Though I was very pessimistic and cynical her continued optimism exposed me to a new way of thinking. I began to make different choices.

It is our choice that makes up the 40% of our overall Happiness. In this area too I have struggled greatly. For the majority of my life, I have made choices that have actively fostered my own unhappiness. I gravitated toward the dark and adopted unhappy habits. Even now, after all I have learned, I unearth thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that undermine my own Happiness. This is one of the reasons I have told my students from the beginning that I am on the path of Happiness WITH them.

When I took Sonja Lyubomirsky’s Happiness self-test in The How of Happiness, in April 2009, I scored 4.20 (on a scale from 1 to 6). That score was just below average (4.30). I am a THERAPIST and I was still scoring BELOW average! I am pleased to report that my retest on May 1st, 2010 revealed that my Happiness has increased significantly to 5.03. My Happiness increased because I use in my daily life the techniques I teach in class. In other words I do not just talk the talk, but walk the walk. I want to thank the students of Happiness 101 who keep me on my toes and inspire me be a better therapist, teacher and human being.

This has been the most challenging article I have written to date. I share my story only because I want you to know that even if you think you were born unhappy, even if life has given you lemons, even if you have made choices up to this point that have contributed to your unhappiness, YOU CAN BE HAPPIER STARTING RIGHT NOW. Don’t think of the path as one with a finish line. Don’t even strive to be “Happy”. Just aim to be a little Happier today then you were yesterday.

Specifically you can do this by writing down five positive things right now. These positives could be anything big or small. They need not be a personal accomplishment, though they certainly could be. It could be anything that you appreciate. If you have trouble, see my article called Building Your Positive Muscles. There are eight different ways to find positives. Martin Seligman and later Emmons and McCoullough did studies that prove that doing this five minute exercise each day helps to jog sad people from their depression and helps Happy people maintain their sunny disposition.

Another way to start being happier today is to use the formula we use in Happiness 101:
1) Become mindful. Be aware of the conscious and unconscious choices you are making.
2) Contemplate. Ask yourself, “Is this something that makes me happy?”
3) Brainstorm. Explore your options. What OTHER choices can you make?
4) Decide. Choose a course of action.
5) Act. Do it! Even if you don’t necessarily like the option you picked, it’s okay you can always change it.

As much as I would like to take credit for this formula, it is just a step-by-step break down of what the Dalai Lama offered in his book, The Art of Happiness: “One begins by identifying those factors which lead to happiness and those factors which lead to suffering. Having done this, one sets about gradually eliminating those factors which lead to suffering and cultivate those which lead to happiness. That is the way.”

Thank you for walking this path with me.

Frank Clayton a.k.a. The Happy Therapist

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I am very pleased to announce that Happiness 101 has a new home! We would sincerely like to thank Brent Dunn and Ace Test Prep for providing us a classroom over the last several months. Though the space has been able to comfortably accommodate 25 people, we have outgrown it! Beginning Monday, June 14th Happiness 101 will move to the Salt Lake County Parks & Recreation building located at 2531 South 400 East, Room 104 – which is in the same building as the Columbus Library. The building is beautiful. It is a newly remodeled Spanish style building. It is located just south of the I-80 freeway between State Street and 7th East. The class will still be held at 7pm and there is still no charge for the class – it has been, and continues to be, my gift to you.

Now we will have plenty of room for the five part series on the Hows of Happiness. Much of the class has been spent talking about ways to be Happier. This series will focus on the techniques to be lastingly Happier. The series will only be interrupted by the observance of Independence day. There will be no class on July 5th. If you have been putting it off, this would be an excellent time to jump in! For a complete class schedule click here or on the Upcoming Events Tab.

I would sincerely like to thank the students of Happiness 101. Let’s face it, if there were no students, the teacher would not appear. There have been a core group of seven people who have been consistently coming to class and one who has even better attendance than myself (I was out of town one time). These seven people have been extremely supportive in every way, including spreading the word. Over the last few of months the group of regulars have swelled to over a dozen. Lately we have had crowds in the 20s and I suspect with more seats available, they will come. Again, thank you to everyone who has made Happiness 101 a great success.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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In some pockets of our society it seems not only accepted but expected to complain. I have been keenly aware of this as I have walked along the path of Happiness. Sometimes people do not know how to react when I do not chime in. They have even try to spur me on with “Isn’t that terrible? For some, misery seems to be the bond that relationships are made of. I am thinking of one such person I knew. He took a snippet of information and built his world around this “truth”. He had heard that another person is incapable of truly being happy about your successes; that secretly they are jealous and hope you soon fall on your face. This “truth” IS true – for some people. They are called unhappy people. In Sonja Lyubomirsky‘s book, The How of Happiness, there is a chapter focusing on social comparison. In it, she reveals that in one of her earliest studies they found that unhappy people compare themselves to others in a highly competitive way – even if they were not in a formal competition. They secretly revel in the failure and misfortune of others. Happy people competed – but not with others. They measured themselves against their own standards and therefore could feel happiness when others succeeded.

There ARE people who speak of good news, successes and hopes of the future. Ironically, speaking liberally about one’s good fortune might seem like bragging to some. My guess is that the unhappy person would jump to this conclusion quicker than the happy person. In Happiness 101, we periodically set time aside for “Success Stories”. This is an opportunity for you to speak of your triumphs and successes. Without this permission, some are reluctant to talk about them. How sad that complaining seems more accepted than sharing one’s successes.

There is a remedy though: hang out with happy people. They are out there but you must watch and listen. They can be seen smiling when there seems to be no good reason to do so. They usually complain little. They use hopeful language. If you want to be in conversation with them, I would suggest you do likewise, even if it seems awkward at first. I love having conversations with happy people. I had the good fortune to be contacted by such a person last week. Psychologist Kathy Bell graduated from the Authentic Happiness Coaching Program. She is a facinating person. You can learn more about her and sign up for her newsletter at www.psychologicalprosperity.com In speaking with her I found myself happy, invigorated, hopeful and excited. If you are ready to make a change, join us for Happiness 101. Not only will you learn how to be happy, you will have an opportunity to meet other people who are looking for the same thing.

Frank Clayton, LPC

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I am frequently surprised that new clients do not ask more questions before setting an appointment. Going to a therapist is a big deal, whether it is your first time or you’ve spent many an hour on “the couch”. You will be spending your money, your time and most importantly, your hope on a therapist. A bad fit will likely leave you feeling that you have wasted all three of these precious commodities. Therapy is a very personal thing yet most people ask few questions.

Here are a few suggestions on how to choose a therapist:
Be clear about what you hope to get out of the therapeutic process.
Look for someone that specializes in the kind of therapy you seek. Note: If you are looking for counselor for depression or anxiety, be aware that virtually all mental health therapists are able to address these issues.
If a provider search has indicated that a therapist is an expert or specialist in a certain area, you might ask them “What makes you an expert in this area?”
Some issues that require special or additional training are: eating disorders, traumatic brain injuries and children.
Imagine exactly what you would want in a therapist. Do you want someone to be a sounding board, or are you looking for someone to tell you what they think you should do?
Would you like your therapist to be kind and quiet or direct and confrontive?
Male or female?
Older or younger?
Little, moderate or extensive experience? (There are pros and cons to all of them).
Do you want a Master’s level clinician or a psychologist (see Doctors vs. Therapists)
Of course, location does matter. Usually your insurance carrier will have a provider search, complete with a map on their website.

How to locate potential therapists:
If you have insurance, start with a provider search through them. Once you have identified a potential therapist ALWAYS call your insurance company and verify that your particular plan will pay for that particular therapist. (I will spare you the nightmare stories, but trust me on this one).
If you are employed, you may be entitled to free therapy through your company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Call your Human Resources Department to find out.
If you do have both an EAP and insurance, be sure to find a therapist that is both on the EAP and the insurance.
If you do not have insurance, there are some provider searches available through the internet:
Psychology Today
Network Therapy.com
Good Therapy.org

Word of mouth. Nothing beats a positive review from someone you trust. If you are given the name of a good therapist and they are not on your insurance, be sure to check your out-of-network benefits with your insurance company. You may be able to still see them but the insurance will not cover quite as much.
Finally, check them out. The Department of Professional Licensing (DOPL) enables you to search the name of your potential counselor for any disciplinary action that has been taken against them (click here). If there has, you may search the records on DOPL to find out the exact nature of the disciplinary action.

Once you have your potential therapist on the phone, ASK QUESTIONS. Have your questions ready before you call.

Feel free to ask them:
How long have you been a counselor?
How long have you been in private practice (it will probably be a different answer).
What are your religious beliefs?
What therapy do you specialize in or what is your favorite?
How much training have you had in treating my particular issue?
If you are physically disabled, verify on the phone that there is handicap access.

My personal belief is that one should find a therapist sooner than later (see Why You Should Get a Therapist Now). Even if you employed all of my suggestions, you may not “click” with your therapist. I encourage you to give it at least a few sessions but if it is not working for you, move on. This is definitely different than giving up. If it was important enough for you to pick up the phone and seek help, then please do not catagorically dismiss therapy by one bad experience. Finding a good therapist is a worthwhile endeavor and can help you live a happier and more productive life.

Frank G. Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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Okay, so maybe I am a bit bias. Maybe even a little more than a little bit bias, but I think you will agree with me by the end of this article: You should get a therapist now, rather than later. Therapy helps people to lead happier more productive lives. I think people wait WAY too long to go to therapy – especially couples. Think of therapy as preventative, rather than something to do once you are on fire. My suggestion would be that you think of going to a mental health therapist the way you think of going to the medical doctor – you go occasionally just to check in an ensure that everything is alright. Another good reason to get a therapist sooner than later is because if there comes a time when you REALLY need to talk to a therapist right away, then you have a therapist in place – someone with whom you are comfortable. Imagine how frustrating it would be to really need therapy and go to someone who is not a good fit for you or (as I have known many to do) spend weeks going through insurance to make sure your therapist is actually in your network. There is even more reason to seek a psychiatrist sooner than later. Right now in Salt Lake City, the wait to see a psychiatrist is THREE MONTHS. If you have even a suspicion that you might need someone to prescribe psychotropic medications, make an appointment now (for more info about psychiatrists, see Doctors vs Therapists) Back to therapy: if you have a job, your employer probably has and Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that allows for three to five FREE sessions of therapy per year. Contact your human resources department and tell them you want the phone number of your EAP. They do not need to know why you are calling. In fact, EAP usually also provides legal and financial counseling as well, so it remains confidential. These EAP companies report nothing to your employer. Of course a regular dose of Happiness 101 couldn’t hurt. There is no charge for the class – it is a gift I give every Monday at 7pm. Click here for the upcoming class schedule.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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