Do you know what will make you happy? Are you SURE? Do you know your favorite way to drink coffee? How about your favorite spaghetti sauce? Again are you SURE? In the attached video Malcom Gladwell tells the story of Howard Moskowitz. You can thank Howard for much of the variety you find at your grocery store. Before Howard there was only a couple of kinds of spaghetti sauce. If someone had asked you before what kind of spaghetti sauce you liked, you probably would have announced that you like one of the two or three choices that were available at that time. You would not have said “Extra Chunky” because “Extra Chunky” spaghetti sauce did not even exist before Howard went to work for Ragu – now Ragu makes 36 kinds of spaghetti sauce! So, are you sure you like what you like? Or do you only like what you like because you are only choosing from what you know? It reminds me of the sailor from Oklahoma. If he never left the land-locked state of Oklahoma and smelled the salty air of the sea would he realize he was destined to be a sailor? How about YOU? Yes, YOU! Are you really happy doing what you’re doing? Or are you only doing it because you have never bothered to explore other possibilities? Did you know that there are now jobs that did not even exist five years ago? Go on. At least try some samples from the banquet of life before limiting your palate to only the familiar and the convenient.
~Frank

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I don’t know quite how to describe it or what mechanism it is that controls it, but I really love teaching Happiness 101 when I am “on”. When I am “on”, the information flows freely, I am relaxed, having a wonderful time, all the information comes to mind quickly and easily and I am giving good information. When I am “on” the students seem to participate more. I wonder if it is a reciprocal relationship between myself and the students because sometimes when I feel “off”, if the group energy is high, I can end up feeling “on”. As I said, I don’t understand exactly what “on” is, but I sure enjoy it when I am there.
~Frank

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There was a student in Happiness 101 tonight that really made my day. We’ll call her “M.”, just because I don’t want to embarrass her. Tonight was her third time in the class and she said the class has made a huge impact on her life. She said she did not realize that her choices could effect her Happiness and that embracing that concept and putting it right to work has made all the difference. M. also shared how she was amazed at how writing down the five positives per day can have such a positive impact. M. helped remind me why I teach Happiness 101 and the real effect that it has on real people. Thank you, M.

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I feel so honored and grateful to be a therapist. People allow me to walk with them on their path for a time. I consider it a sacred thing. But not only am I known as a therapist, but along the way, because of my intense study of Positive Psychology and subsequently teaching Happiness 101, I have become known as “the Happy Therapist”. This is a super-sized honor (without the extra calories). I have a reputation for helping people struggling with depression to dig their way out and help happy people stay that way. There is also that sect in which most people exist: languishing – that is: simply existing or as Thoreau put it “Most men are living a life of quiet desperation.” To these people I enjoy being part of their Happiness wake-up call. I am so blessed.
~Frank

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I have been making a Happiness Habit of writing five positives per day. I do this because studies (Seligman, Emmons & McCoullough) show that making a habit of focusing on the positives can break the downward spiral of depression and/or help Happy people stay that way. Instead of keeping these positivity morsels to myself, I decided to start spreading them about the internet. I write one on my Happiness 101 Facebook Fan page (which results in a hit on my Twitter account), I write one on my regular Facebook page, and I write one here, on YouTube and on the Happiness 101 MeetUp.com page.

So, today’s SLMH Positive is my decision to share my positives with you here on the website. You will find positives that are inspirational, silly, random, informative and/or thought provoking. Sometimes I even take something that most people think of as a “bad thing” and see what positives I can glean from it. To start beefing up your positivity, read “Building Your Positive Muscles” and feel free to leave a comment, whether it be here, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter or MeetUp. I always enjoy sharing the positives.

~Frank

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On June 14th, I had the honor and privilege to speak at ARUP Laboratories here in Salt Lake City. I had just one hour to tell them as much as I could about Happiness. I have been teaching Happiness 101 for over a year. The semesters keep getting longer and longer because I keep learning and learning. There is now SO much good solid, scientifically-based information on the subject. I wish I could just download all the information right to the audience. I jammed in as much as I could in that hour. After a quick introduction, we did a Happiness exercise. Rapid fire I talked about complaints and automatic negative thoughts, gave them the definition of Happiness, including the differentiation between “Happy” and “Happier”. I gave them the science behind why we are not as happy as we think we should be and the myths of happiness. I pounded on the issue of CHOICE, asking the audience to chant “Choice. Choice. Choice.” for each time I said it and of the Happiness Robbers that take away our power of choice. Most importantly, I shared the Happiness Habits suggested by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book The How of Happiness. I am “Happy” to report that we video taped the lecture and it is now available on YouTube. You will notice that the videos are interactive. You can jump easily from one video to another. I would suggest you start with “Are You Happy“. It is my goal to make other classes available soon. I want to give a special thank you to H.V. for inviting me to speak at her place of work. I also want to thank everyone who has been spreading the word about Happiness. I appreciate those who have been telling people they do not need to wait to be rich, famous or more beautiful – that they can be happier NOW.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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Suppose you just got the news. The doctor told you that you have 24 hours to live.
What would you do? How would you spend that last 24 hours? I bet you wouldn’t be fretting over the phone bill being a day late. My guess is you would not waste one minute on argument – not even for the principle of the matter.
Would you have any regrets?
If you had known that THIS was going to be your last day on earth, would you have lived your life differently?
Would you have looked deeply into the eyes of your loved ones when you said “I love you” for the last time or would have been the way you said it last time? When WAS the last time you told the people you love how much you actually care?

NOW, suppose in hour 23 (of your last 24), the doctor calls, apologizing profusely about mixing up the charts and announcing that you are not only NOT going to die today but by all accounts you are expected to live a long, healthy life.
Would your perspective change? Would you live your life from this day forward with a new appreciation?

It is honestly not realistic to live completely every day as if it were your last (Dan Gilbert explores this hypothesis at length in his book, Stumbling on Happiness). In fact, to do so would be to throw away one of humans most profound (and recent) gifts: the ability to plan into the future. According to Tal Ben-Shahar in his book, Happier, the way to true Happiness is to plan for the future and strive for our goals but to enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

Would your life be different if you thought you were dying and got a second chance? I invite you to sit with this notion. Not just finish reading this and go back to your life. Rather than EXPERIENCING the heart attack, car wreck or other unforeseen disaster, why not get your new lease on life RIGHT NOW? Pretend! Live the next 24 hours as if they were your last (nothing illegal or anything that would hurt another person, please) and then live the rest of your life with a fresh perspective.
Ready? Your new life begins in three….. two…… WON!

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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Barbara Fredrickson‘s book is a must-read for anyone who is serious about being happier.
Dr. Fredrickson was studying positive emotions even before Positive Psychology was officially formed. In fact, it was her research that got Martin Seligman so excited that he was running up the stairs two at a time, singing her praises. Positivity is jam-packed with research backed studies that will bring hope to the hopeless and broaden and deepen the level of happiness of even the happiest of people – including me! The most important message of the book: there is a “tipping point” of positivity. Dr. Fredrickson likens this to the transformation that ice takes on when exposed to a certain temperature – when ice becomes water. Her research proves that human beings have such a point when we transform from languishing to flourishing. Teaming up with other researchers, Dr. Fredrickson reported the exact tipping point to be 2.9013 to 1. Rounding up, she suggests that people strive to experience 3 positive emotions to 1 negative one. She reports that the majority of people have a positivity ratio of 2 to 1 and are considered to be languishing. Those experiencing a ratio of 1 to 1 (or lower) are usually diagnosed with depression. What is your positivity ratio? You can find out right now. But before you click on, two things: She suggests testing yourself often to get a true measurement of your overall positivity, so if you score low, don’t sweat it – you might just be having a bad day. Also, I (the “Happy Therapist”) scored in the languishing range myself. But the great news is that Dr. Fredrickson not only tells you what your score is, more importantly she tells you specifically how to raise your positivity score, that you may flourish! You can take the a self-test at www.positivityratio.com .

What IS “Positivity” exactly? Well, Dr. Fredrickson uses the word in place of “happiness”, deeming the word “happiness” as to broad and vague. “Positivity”, however is way of life stemming from joy, gratitude, serenity, interest, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe and love. She offers a new toolkit and specific exercises in her book on how to cultivate more of these feelings. Dr. Fredrickson also has a section on decreasing negativity, including how to deal with negative people. I personally loved the concept of “social aikido” (page 175).

My only criticism of Positivity is that Dr. Fredrickson at times offers so much research to support her points that one could get mired down in the data. I urge you to not let this dissuade you. There is true gold in Positivity and urge not only buy it, but buy it in bulk. You’ll want to give a copy to all your friends (and maybe even a few “enemies”). I will be using Positivity extensively in the next semester of Happiness 101. Join us.

Frank Clayton (a.k.a. The Happy Therapist)
Licensed Professional Counselor

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By request, I have started posting my five positive things on Facebook again. It is a lot of fun sharing the positives. There is SO much for which to be grateful. An interesting phenomenon has occurred when I express gratitude for the things that do NOT happen. For instance, when I write “I am glad I did not get into a car accident today” I am frequently met with, “Did you have a near miss?” The answer is “no”. I did not have a near miss. Isn’t it an interesting reaction though? Must we have a near miss to appreciate what we have? Most of the time this is exactly what we (human beings) do. We take for granted the blessings all around us – not because we are an ungrateful by nature. It is due to a trick our brains play on us called Hedonic Adaptation (Sonja Lyubomirksky, The How of Happiness) also known as the Hedonic Treadmill (Barbara Fredrickson, Positivity). It’s just a fancy way of saying “We get used to it”. There is a remedy for Hedonic Adaptation: Gratitude. Just by taking a few minutes each day to stop and think about the many things we have to be grateful for can help us to appreciate them without the “benefit” of a near miss. Writing down five positives per day has proven (Martin Seligman, Emmons and McCoullough) to reverse the course of a downward spiral. If you are a bit rusty on counting your positives, I offer eight different ways to do so in the article Building Your Positive Muscles. There you will learn new ways to appreciate what you’ve got BEFORE it’s gone.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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How would you like to enjoy your food much more while consuming far fewer calories?

Now, before I go any further I must say that I am not a dietician. I don’t even play a dietician on TV. But I do know a thing or two about Happiness. I can tell you that most people eat their food mindlessly, not truly tasting their food. I can also tell you that studies have shown that your enjoyment between your first and second bite of food plummets significantly (Martin Seligman, Authentic Happiness). By the time you get to bites three and four, your mind is probably drifting to the day ahead or the day behind. So you are consuming a lot of food (and calories) with minimal pleasure. Why not try the Happiness Diet? I suppose we could also call it the Mindfulness Diet. Before you partake, look at your food. Notice the details, the contours, the difference from one side of the food to the other. If you won’t be breaking any major laws of protocol, touch your food. Close your eyes. “Listen” with your fingers. Once you have thoroughly examined your cuisine, take a bite of food and savor it. What is its texture on your tongue? Is your tongue having different experiences on the tip vs. the top vs. the sides? Though I am not a doctor either, it is widely known that different parts of the tongue experience food in different ways (see this article on Thinkquest on taste). Is there a smell that wafts from your food? Be sure to savor the aroma as well. You get the idea. There are five senses – use them. Experience the food. Simply by being mindful, you could experience more flavor in one bite than you could otherwise enjoy in an entire meal.

Savoring life experiences is just one of twelve Happiness Habits dished up by Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book, The How of Happiness. Buy it here and/or read my review here. Join us for Happiness 101 to learn how to enjoy life more with a fraction of the effort.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

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