Positive 1

I had a great afternoon with friends and gourmet food. I do need to be more social, it has been nice this weekend.

Positive 2

My sister surprised me with homemade sugar cookies. Yummmm…

Positive 3

My friend gave me a beautiful bracelet in memory of her son, a nice way to remember him.

By: Kathie

Read More →

Positive #1: The Jarvis Virus.  It would take a long time to explain this Ingress weapon but last night I truly took delight in using it.  It turns an enemy portal into a portal of your faction.  It allowed me to take over an important piece of the Resistance puzzle up on the east side.  I am grateful to the person that showed it to me and explained it to me.  Great fun.

Positive #2: Richard H.  Richard has become a regular at the Happiness Socials (which there is one tomorrow).  He has always been fully engaged in the activity and gushed with appreciation afterward.  He has sent me a thank you card after every Social and even sent my wife a birthday card!  I’m sure one of Richard’s top strengths is expressing gratitude. Richard’s enthusiasm and appreciation has truly brought me happiness and I appreciate him.

Positive #3: Car service for only $50!  I felt very relieved and grateful when I was able to spring my car from the car doctor for only $50!  they were able to identify a couple of minor issues and fix them quickly and easily.  I love getting those little things fixed because then when I remember “Oh yeah!  I can use the cigarette lighter to charge my phone now!” it’s a great feeling.  ‘Kinda like finding that $20 you left in your winter coat.

 

Frank Clayton, The Happy Therapist 

Read More →

It is easy to feel powerless against the recession. Headlines are rife with doom, and we have control of almost none of it: unemployment, the housing market and the national debt. In this constant stream of negativity, it is easy to focus on what we do not have control of and forget about what we do have control over.

How can one person feel worried sick while the next person is not? Why is one person depressed about the layoff while the next person is actually happy about it? The answer lies not in the circumstances but how we handle it.

I, myself, have been laid off during this recession, and I have struggled with depression and pessimism for most of my life (see “My Story: From Suicidal to The Happy Therapist“). Therefore I can deeply empathize with clients and students who tell me their story, which is usually peppered with words like “stuck,” “trapped” and “can’t.”

It is important to acknowledge sadness, hopelessness and worry. These feelings are not merely uncomfortable emotions — they are guideposts to feeling better; a divining rod to their belief system. In the very first class of Happiness 101, I tell students not to slap a plastic smiley face over their pain but to feel it and learn from it.

Positive psychology teaches that each emotion is feedback to us about our underlying belief system. It is here that we find choice and empowerment. For instance, if a man feels shame because he was swept away by the latest wave of layoffs, he might have an underlying belief like “If I am not providing for my family, I am a failure.” You will notice this belief statement leaves little room for extenuating circumstances — for instance high unemployment rates.

We do not have control over the world or national economy, but we do have control over our own belief system. In this example if the man replaced his belief with “As long as I am doing my best, I am okay,” instead of feeling shame, he might not only feel hope but possibly pride because his focus is on his efforts and not the outcome.

Whether suffering job loss, death of a loved one or a personal failure, we can always choose how we weather the storm. In his famous book, “Man’s Search for Meaning,” Nazi concentration camp survivor Viktor Frankl wrote, “the last of the human freedoms: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

James Dean said, “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sail.” You might imagine that one person who believes he is helpless against the storm of the recession would have a very different feeling than the person who believes, “I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.” (“Invictus,” William Ernest Henley)

After people have told their story and properly honored their feelings, they might be open to discussion about what they do have control over, rather than lamenting about what they do not. In the above example, this hard-working American had no control over being laid off. He can continue to apply for jobs but have no control over call-backs. He can do well in the interview but still not get the job.

Research has proven (Dan Gilbert, “Stumbling on Happiness”) that when people feel that they have no control, depression often follows. This is why it is important (at the appropriate time) to turn discussion toward what one does have control over.

In session, I challenge phrases like “I’m in a rock and a hard place,” “there’s nothing I can do” and “I am trapped.” Invariably I find that there are many choices — all at varying degrees of attractiveness.

For instance, the unemployed man might believe that his only option is to just keep applying for (local) jobs and pray that something comes through. When brainstorming, he might find several other options including: filing for bankruptcy, taking a job out of state, renting out the basement, filing for unemployment, asking for loans from friends, moving in with mom and dad and/or starting his own business. This man might find all of these options to be unsavory, but I have found that depression immediately begins to loosen its grip when we explore what is possible rather than lament over the lie that “there is no hope.”

We may not have control over the economy, but we do have control over our pessimism. If you believe that you are born pessimistic, I would like to point out that this too is a belief. Ironically if you believe yourself to be a born pessimist, you will behave accordingly, making no effort to change. Pessimism can not only poison one’s attitude toward braving the economic storm but it can adversely affect decisions that might have helped to pull you out of it.

For instance, if one says, “What’s the point in applying for the job? I’m not going to get it anyway” and he does not apply for the job, then his prediction comes true. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you can’t, you’re right.” Hope is always a choice.

I have documented the progress of dozens of students and found that those who make the greatest progress are those who turn from hopeless to hopeful during the eight-week course. You can test your own level of optimism at www.authentichappiness.com and start improving your outlook by taking your cues from the father of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, in his book, “Learned Optimism.”

Cultivating optimism is just one of 12 scientifically proven happiness activites suggested by Sonja Lyubomirsky in her book, “The How of Happiness.” Others include:

  • Expressing gratitude
  • Practicing acts of kindness
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Savoring life’s joys
  • Practicing religion or spirituality

Focusing on these activities (which you do have control over) will help you to feel empowered. Focusing on what you do not have control over will likely lead you to feel helpless and disempowered. There is much in this world over which we have no control — including the recession — but we always have control over our own positive attitude. The Nazis could not take it from Viktor Frankl. The recession can not take it from you. You always have a choice.

Frank Clayton, LPC

Read More →

I don’t usually tip my hand about what we’ll be doing at the Happiness Socials but maybe I’m just too excited to contain myself about showing a movie at the Social which will include discussion by the attendees. It’s a rare opportunity – those are my favorite kind! I will be sharing a lot of tips about Happiness and that is something I always look forward to. Here’s the link should you want to join us. We have 47 RSVPd so far. http://www.meetup.com/The-Salt-Lake-Happiness-Group/events/84877242/

Frank Clayton LPC

Read More →

Okay, I’m not gonna lie – I didn’t know if I would be able to pull that one off. It was definitely one of the riskier moves. The willingness of everyone at the Social really made it work. It was almost like watching magic work in slow motion. In less than two hours strangers became nearly inseparable. And THAT is what the Happiness Socials are all about. I feel truly blessed to be part of the magic.

Frank Clayton LPC

Read More →

I looked into Second Life a few years ago. According to this TED video, it continues to grow. I have looked at several YouTube videos as well. People can actually create things in Second Life and then sell them for real money. I saw one YouTube video that they are helping people to cure social anxiety with Second Life. I think there are a lot of possibilities and evidently the possibilities are growing by the day. They evidently are teaching classes there as well. Happiness 101 comes to Second Life? I suppose anything is possible – in Second Life.

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/en/the_inspiration_of_second_life.html

Frank Clayton LPC

Read More →

This local mental health facility has been offering free CEUs (continuing education units required by mental health professionals to keep up their education) each month. Not only do I get the opportunity to be a better therapist, it saves me money. It would be easy to spend $100 getting 3 CEUs and thanks to SLBH, I got them for free. On top of that, they provided breakfast too! It is a wonderful service to the therapeutic community AND a great opportunity to catch up with colleagues. I am really excited about the next one because I am sure it is going to incorporate positive psychology. It’s called “Psychological Truths; A Psychiatrist’s Guide to Really Good Thinking”. If you’re a therapist or social worker click on the link to join me:

http://www.saltlakebehavioralhealth.com/ForProfessionals.aspx

Frank Clayton LPC

Read More →

I really enjoy the Socials. I always feel like I have connected with new friends. It is always such a pleasure to people who were strangers but minutes before belly laughing together. Tonight we had six teams of seven people build the Happiness Person in the World through discussion and deciding not only the qualities of a happy person but where they live, what they do for a living and how much money they had. There were some very interesting answers but more importantly people really connected with one another. I feel so humbled and blessed to be part of it.

Frank Clayton LPC

Read More →

Report from IPPA Conference, Day 3

Wow! What an absolutely amazing day! In case you’re just “tuning in”, today is day 3 of the 2nd Congress of the International Positive Psychology Association.
Here are the highlights:

  • Barbara Fredrickson (author of my #2 pick on Happiness, Positivity) talked about Love
  • Meeting Todd Kashdan and (what may be his last) talk at IPPA
  • Possible collaboration with positive psychologist and local, Lynn Johnson
  • Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy with a Positive Spin
  • Positive Computing
  • Meeting Jane McGonigal and using her on-line game to enhance Happiness 101
  • How much you think you can do something effects whether (and how hard) you try *
  • The use of strengths in therapy – the intermediate lesson *
  • Gala and the National Constitution Center *

* I will report on these tomorrow.

It was much cooler today. A blessing for my walk to my third download of information in the realm of positive psychology, a.k.a. Happiness! As I walked through City Hall in (literally) the heart of Philadelphia, I hummed a little tune. I was distracted by the richness and variety of the people as I walked. Per haps distracted enough by the suits, the homeless, the street venders, the skaters and the provocative dress, the song’s lyrics did not bubble to the surface until in the shadow of the Downtown Marriott. I murmured, “All you need is love. Bump-ba bump-ba bump. All you need is love. Bump-ba bump-ba bump. All you need is love, love – love is all you need.” As I realized I was humming a Beatles standard, I also realized that the topic of Barbara Fredrickson’s talk was “Love: A new lens on the science of thriving” Continue reading Report from IPPA Conference, Day 3

Read More →