Positive 1
went to the play alone today it was entertaining and I really don’t mind plays alone.
Positive 2
tended a cute 3 year old tonight he was dragon and I was princess and he was stealing my dogs ha I love kids.
Positive 3
my bushes the fruit tress are pruned . Glad I have someone who does it for a very fair price. Spring is here
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Positive 1

Nice evening with Erin.We went to a funny play. Very small and intimate group, the actors were feet away and I learned another something about myself and being physically close to strangers.

Positive 2

Ice cream with my mother. Watching her lick and enjoy that cone like a child made my heart happy. Some things are not reserved just for children.

Positive 3

My friend lost his brother yesterday but his brother was also a friend to me. So I am grateful to all the kindnesses and warmth that he extended to me in my life.  I will miss that giant of a man.

By: Kathie

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Positive 1

That wind didn’t do any damage to my yard though some of the neighbors weren’t so lucky. Usually it is my house where the damage is.

Positive 2

Went to my nieces dance recital, she is now a dance teacher and was so great with the kids. You could tell how much they loved her.

Positive 3

I am hoping we finally got the swamp cooler fixed once and for all, for this year.

By: Kathie

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Positive 1

Fun afternoon at the play. It was great to hear all the children laughing so much.

Positive 2

Needed to get dog food and lucky for me Costco stayed open an extra hour so I was able to get several errands ran tonight. Good to get chores checked off the list.

Positive 3

Settling in for an evening and probably early morning of True Blood. Fortunately I can sleep in again so staying up doesn’t hurt too much.

By: Kathie

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Today was full of loss for people I care about, a friends father , a sisters sister inlaw, a best friends beloved dog and my nephew is at hospital with a fever. Hard to want to think of positives with the suffering of loved ones. But somehow I want to. Life is so short and fragile.

Positive 1

Another friend I was worried about called today with a tiny bit of renewed hope of accepting life and trying to find some good.

Positive 2

Ok I will be grateful for the snow since we need the water and it will melt fast.

Positive 3

My dogs were especially cute and playful tonight, when they act like real children they bring much happiness. You can see what they are thinking in their actions.

By: Kathie

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Our children are our SO important to us. So when a parent brings their teen in to see me, I consider it one of the highest honors. I always treat therapy as a sacred thing but especially when working with someone’s child. I feel humbled and honored to be given the opportunity to work with teens. Yes they usually tell me I don’t know what I am talking about…. But then I see change start to happen and I wear a special smile I am sure that is only reserved for people in just my situation. Today I recognized how blessed I am to live my calling which includes helping our youth to feel better about themselves and life!

Frank Clayton LPC

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I am thankful for Teddy Bears for they comfort the lonely. They offer something cuddly and soft to sleep with. They give children something to hold and give love to, have tea with and tell their secrets to. They can stoke the imagination. They make a great gift and because they come in so many shapes and sizes offer something to collect.

Frank Clayton LPC

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Report from IPPA Conference, Day 2

Day two of the 2nd Congress of the International Positive Psychology Association was simply amazing.  I learned SO much!  At one point I laughed to my friend “Teacher!  My brain is full!”  Here’s a report of the day’s events:

It began with Ed Deci speaking about self-determination and its relationship to positive psychology – in other words: the self-fulfilling prophecy.  He showed scientific proof that believing that you are doomed and things will never get better can actually bring that about.  Using a simple analogy (of my own), if one is drowning and they really don’t think anyone will come to rescue them, they can behave based on this belief by not paddling and dying before help could arrive.  But Deci really wowed the crowd when he reported that studies repeatedly proved that external rewards kill off intrinsic motivation.  For instance, when we try to control our children either by giving them a reward for doing well (the carrot) or punishing them when they do not do well (the stick), we inadvertently are hindering our child’s innate love of learning!  You can bet I will be blogging more about this. Continue reading Report from IPPA Conference, Day 2

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Okay, I know at first glance it seems strange to have a therapist suggesting that you argue in front of your children – but that’s exactly what I am suggesting, WITH some caveats. Fight fair. This means:
* Argue about what you’re arguing about (not about issues from the past)
* No below the belt
* No yelling
* No name calling
* Listen
* Behave respectfully
* Obviously no hitting or throwing things
* Keep the argument between you and the person you are arguing with (don’t bring other people into it)
* Take a break if needed (when your anger thermostat gets too high)

Now that the ground rules are set, go ahead and argue in front of the kids – on occasion. Children need to see that normal couple’s argue. That’s right, I said it. It is normal for couple’s to argue on a regular basis and children need to see the appropriate way to deal with conflict. If mommy and daddy never argue in front of them, they may grow up with unreasonable expectations that happy couple’s never fight. Just to be crystal clear: yelling, throwing or hitting is also known as domestic violence and is never appropriate – especially in front of children.
~Frank Clayton, Licensed Professional Counselor

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Once upon a time, I worked at a residential treatment center (RTC) for teens. When parents reached a point where they did not know what to do with their child and felt that their kid was in danger of hurting themselves or others (through a variety of means) – in other words they were at their wit’s end – they would send them to such a facility. It was here that I saw first hand what a fundamental shift can happen when one focuses on the positive rather than the negative. At this RTC there were four different houses. One of the houses was struggling significantly. The staff were burned out and there was a great deal of acting out behavior by the youth. A nurse there said she could feel the negative vibe emanating from the house. Something had to be done. The powers that be decided to rotate the staff so that the teens had a fresh new team to work with. Before day one, the staff huddled and decided that they were going to do two things: enforce the rules and accentuate the positive. In other words they were going to focus on what was RIGHT instead of what was wrong. Three days later, the aforementioned nurse said when she walked into the house, she knew a significant change had occurred. The students were more than just compliant they were happy, courteous and kind to one another. They did their chores with little complaint and began complimenting one another as staff had done to them. Not surprisingly, the staff was happier too. From this movement sprouted the Positive Difference Program. When staff saw students going above and beyond, they gave them a Positive Difference card, describing how they had made a positive difference. Attached was a ticket that allowed them to participate in a drawing for prizes at the end of the week. Though initially cards were only given from staff to students, it was not long before students wanted to give them to each other. It went so far that students wanted to give them back to staff and to their parents. As you may imagine that within a month’s time, the house had gone from one with a bad reputation to being the house everyone (staff and students alike) wanted to be.
This idea was started by one person. One person that decided to focus not on what was wrong, but what was right; to compliment rather than criticize. It radiated out and changed their focus. It changed their entire way of thinking and permanently changed lives.
What do YOU focus on? What impact do you make? Because whether you realize it or not, you already impact others. Is it a positive one or a negative one (or something in between)?
YOU can make a positive difference – in your immediate family, your extended family, your work, your friends your church and beyond – even strangers on the street.
Be aware. Decide. Act.

Frank Clayton
Licensed Professional Counselor

P.S. Attached is a short movie by Kurt Kuenne showing how one person can make a big difference

Validation

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